I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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