His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
so much tequila, so little girl.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
