Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
