there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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