what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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