I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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