yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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