i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
