Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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