Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
