Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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