New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
