sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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