I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
