I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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