Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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