ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
