Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
