Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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