my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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