when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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