i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My vagina is officially offended.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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