why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
