she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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