I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
