When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
