My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
