Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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