i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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