Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
