i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
are you so shy because you have an std?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
