Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
