your parents love me but you hate me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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