Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
