I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
