Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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