Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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