Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
