I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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