I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
