We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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