I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
