dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
