last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
