my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
