I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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