the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
