As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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