you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I skipped work to stalk him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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Sacagawea was the original milf.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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