I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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