i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
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I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
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Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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