We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
