I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
