you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
