If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
