You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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