you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
