he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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