please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
