There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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